Pressure of it All
by Ies-KittyCat
Summary: Trigger warning this is some deep dark stuff. Doesnt follow any particle plot in the show I havent seen season 3 nor remember season 2 so its probably between season two and one idk.
1. Chapter 1

This is going to be short stories of sad depressed Ezra ... yeah there is going to be stuff like self-harm, suicide, anxiety, and low self-esteem... so yeah dont read if you cant handle this stuff. And if your going through any of this please tell someone and get help before its too late.


	2. Forgotten

I did something bad today... I told myself I would never go to this but I did; I cut myself. They told me they would be back after they, as well as I, laid low for a while. Well this while has been two years, so I don't think they are coming back. I wish they did... I have to admit I did finally enjoy other peoples company; I finally felt like I had a family again. I guess they didn't feel the same way. There were different way I could have gone instead of this dark path. I could have started a new life or even work for the empire. But instead I resorted to this; why though, is it because its quick and provides temporary relief to the spot that itches whenever something sharp is in my grip? Or is it because I love this tingle of a fresh cut or the adrenaline of getting up the momentum to make a cut?

I try to limit myself to a few a day to show i'm in control but scars still line my arms and legs. Its kind of weird that I, myself, enjoy looking at the fascinating lines on the different parts of my arms and legs. But am wary to the thought of others seeing them. How would they react? would they judge me for being weak?

I accidentally flashed my scars to a girl down at the market, I'm not suppose to talk to anyone so i don't blow my cover but she had interesting designs on he arms, it reminded me of Sabine. So i went to talk to her, I found out that she did them all herself. I told her that she should create a business and do designs on peoples arms. At that point i for some reason lifted my sleeve to gesture to my arm, I realized what i had done and quickly put my sleeve back down. I'm not sure if she saw them or not, but I really hope she didn't.

I has been awhile since I last talked to her, I pass her in the market but she we only exchange greetings. Maybe she didn't see it after all; or she did and now doesn't want anything to do with me. It doesn't matter anyways, i'm not suppose to blow my cover. Kanan and the rest should be here soon.


	3. Cold Medicine

I have been sick for a while and found it hard to sleep. Laying in bed at night used to be so easy, my favorite activity. But now every time i'm about to drift off into nothingness, I feel a tingle in my lunges and turn towards the wall. Covering my mouth I would let out the painful noise for a minute before it stopped, only to come back again in five or so minutes. My coughing has gotten bad that Zeb moved to Kanan's room until this passes, and so the sound wouldn't keep him up. Sadly for him my coughs can be heard throughout the ship during the quiet night. To solve this problem Hera has gotten me some sleep medicine I wouldn't keep everyone up all night and so I could finally get a continuous nights rest. Speaking of rest, its about time I take my nightly dose. The medicine tastes sweet unlike most I have taken before. Because of this reason I find it hard to resist the urge to drink every last drop and give myself an eternal slumber.


	4. What Does It Take To Care

Do they even care? They know I act different. They can see i'm not happy. But they don't bother to ask me. Maybe it's because they know I'll say i'm fine when i'm really not. Or maybe it's because they don't care. What would make them care? Me joining the dark side? Having a mental breakdown during a mission? My lifeless body?


	5. I Can See It

I can see it when i enter the room. Not one person, my _friends,_ bother to look my way. They use to greet me with smiles and laughs. Talk to me about their days or other things happening. But now I am greeted with nothing. Maybe i'm just invisible? Or maybe they don't need me anymore. I don't have much control and will never be as good as Kanan. I can barely fight without being yelled at. I can see it in their eyes, something is there, but what?


	6. To Go Or Not To Go

Even though everyone has pulled back from me I still stay in the ship. Why you may ask, well I have no where to go. They talk about a mission soon and head out to their location. Kanan has talked to me about it before and said it was my choice. I felt happier today, I don't know why. even in training I talked a little more than I normally would, but no one noticed. I think of going but all I can picture is me walking towards the meeting spot only to be greeted with the sight of those I once called friends making fun of me. I know there is a small chance of this happening, but should I risk being hurt.


End file.
